Well, it has been over 2 months since I have posted a blog...I have written (1) but as you can see it didn't get "published."
Have you ever been so paralyzed with fear that you withhold speaking or writing your thoughts? Typically, I consider myself to be a very strong, bold & courageous person. But lately, my spirit has been weakened. Why? Well, because I have chosen to allow the Devil to use the words of others to penetrate to my soul. Therefore, I have taken a step back from writing anything that the Lord has impressed upon my heart to write.
But, the other day I was doing a devotion and came across this statement, "when you live for other people's approval, you risk forfeiting God's!"
I have had some pretty hurtful things said about me over the last several months by people who love me. And honestly, when I think about love, I think about this, "kind words, caring heart, gentle spirit, goodness, mercy, grace etc..."
I have asked the Lord to help me maintain my composure when I am in the presence of those who have spoken ill of me but recently, I messed up.
I really did not give this person the time of day and I'll admit it. I even apologized to this person because the truth is that's not who I want to be. I want to get to the place where I can love on that person(s) and even when I am struggling with what they have said about me. My husband, bless his heart, is a true example of this. He was deeply hurt by the actions of someone who loves him as well. When my husband told me the situation, I was boiling inside. I wanted to call that person and chew them out up and down, left to right. You feel me? My husband, in a nutshell, basically agreed that the person had obviously "made their way known and that's ok... to lash out at them would be exactly what the Devil wants and I refuse to go there." My husband can tell you that he has not ever been much of a defender. Well, before Jesus he was a fighter, but now he just "takes it." I'm not there yet, but I know with a godly husband whose strengths are my weaknesses; I will get there soon!
God is the one who heals our hearts, not man. The Lord really spoke to my heart and said, "True forgiveness comes when you can look that person in the face and say I forgive you even if they deny all they said about you and fail to apologize. My daughter that is true forgiveness!" I was like WHOA! Typically, when God speaks, I listen and act. Because there is no greater feeling than to be obedient and at the center of God's will. The image He showed me was of Jesus hanging on that cross: beaten, bruised, and tormented all for me and you. Folks, this was before we even existed! WOW. So if that sort of radical forgiveness is what provides us eternal life, should we not also do our best to embody forgiveness in our own lives?
Let me just say how good God is...Trey and I were given a devotion to do together entitled Nightlight; it was a wedding present. We have really enjoyed diving into it and a lot of good has come of it. Well, the week we were dealing with some outside issues about forgiveness and how it was affecting our marriage, we were on "How Do We Forgive?" Now, granted this is a book solely about the husband and wife, but there were critical points in it that we applied to others in our lives as well. So, it was God's way of showing Trey and I both, that we need to forgive those who have wronged us no matter what they fail to say in return.The forgiveness began with Trey and I first, and through a restored passion and renewal for our call of ministry and purpose together, we will now be able to forgive those around us as well.
It was awesome! It is so encouraging to know that God sees it all. To know that He is the final judge is good enough for me. I can rest knowing that I have released forgiveness to those who have wronged me. My next step, to face those who have wronged me and to let them know I forgive them! I get excited just thinking about it. You know you have climbed up another rung on the ladder of maturity in Him when you can say I am excited to forgive!!!! It's my heart's desire to please the Lord, and if that means dying to the flesh, then I will be glad to do it. I just don't want to stand in front of God one day with unforgiveness in my heart towards someone else. If we expect forgiveness from God then we ourselves have to be willing to forgive others.
My challenge to you would be this, your love for the Lord should empower you to release forgiveness to those who have wronged you and to seek forgiveness from those you have wronged!
Try it. Don't block God's blessing in your life because you are too stubborn to forgive!
Until next time....(hopefully, not 2 months from now!) ;)
~Jenni~
