Proverbs 4: 4-7 (New American Standard Bible) Acquire wisdom! Acquire understanding! Do not forget nor turn away from the words of my mouth. 6"Do not forsake her, and she will guard you; Love her, and she will watch over you. 7"The beginning of wisdom is: Acquire wisdom; And with all your acquiring, get understanding.
This blog is stemming from some theological questions that I have been asking both myself and the Lord for some time now. I graduated from Trinity International University in May of 2008. All through college, I never received full clarification on certain doctrinal issues. I know now that was because the answers had to come from my own understanding of God's Word and what He had to say. I was taught from many different theological backgrounds, which I loved! But, of course, these individuals were instructed to teach the Word with out any "strings attached." YEAH RIGHT! I did not take their perspectives personally, nor did I feel violated or swayed to understand it "this way." But, as I get older, and hopefully wiser, God is beginning to show me things in a different light.
When I met my husband, I quickly realized that we were raised on opposite ends of the spectrum. One thing we did have in common, though, was that we were saved and we both loved Jesus with all of our hearts. Looking back now, I marvel at the sovereignty of God and how what appeared to be a set back was only a launching pad for the work that was about to take place in my life and in my husband's.
Hold on. I am going somewhere, I promise.
My husband is very theologically-minded, very reformed, to the point, that he would say he is "Calvinist" to an extent. UGH! Bothered me, GREATLY. Of course, I know what he meant and I knew that he was still a Christian. He just "sided" with a certain set of beliefs. I respect that. He isn't your average Christian who just walks around professing to be one; he really has a hold on the deeper things of God's Word. So, when we met, me being a- "Charismatic-Armenian" and he being a "Reformed-Calvinist", it made for a lot of interesting discussions to say the least. But, out of all those discussions and challenges it has brought me to where I am today and I am sure my husband would say the same.
The biggest issue an Armenian and Calvinist would debate is Free Will. Over time, my mindset has always been "FREE-WILL," ALL the way. Well, God began to really challenge me, along with my husband. This week was an emotional week to say the least. For those of you who know my story, you then know that my mother was in prison for five years. During that time, I chose to stay home and look after my two younger brothers. Those years of babysitting were about to become my reality on a daily basis, for the next five years or so. I was now going to assist my step-father in raising a 10 year old and a 13 year old. Mind you, I was19 and ready to leave for college. Not so. But that was OK. I felt "privileged" in a way. I was filling in the "gap." Although, I did not replace my mom ( I did not desire to do so), it was time for me to be the BIG SISTER. It was not easy and a lot occurred in the first year my mom was away. A LOT.
Getting closer to my point.
I grew up in a "torn" family. My parents divorced when I was 3, I think. I grew up with step-parents and half-brothers, which was fine. I love them all dearly. Do I agree with the choices they have made, NO--which leads me to my point. Us, "free will" people, will argue up and down, that we have a choice in the matter. You know, the choice of salvation. I would even argue it, imagine that. My argument: If God was so loving and he sent Jesus to die for people then how can your theory of election hold true? I think about John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." The part that says, "whoever believes in him..." it sounds like we have a choice in the matter, right?If you read down to John 3:19-20 it says, 'This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. 20) Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will NOT come into the light for fear his deeds will be exposed." This one verse can completely dispute and throw out the theory that we choose Jesus. WE DON'T. We were born into sin and as a result we are evil. It takes the prompting and leading of the Holy Spirit to penetrate to the very depths of our soul to change us. Evil does not come out during the day time, it comes out in the night. Why? Because it does not want to expose its filth or wickedness.
Following me?
Well, as I am now an "outsider" looking in when it comes to my family, my theology has changed. When I look at my family and the choices they currently are making I can't help to think, how in the world did I come to a place (since I was 12) loving Jesus and working in ministry? How did I come out of all that "stuff" and become somewhat "normal"? Well, the truth is, God chose me, He set me apart. I should have fallen off the "band-wagon" along time ago. If you have ever endured trials then I am sure you can relate.
Part of me rejoices, while the other part of me mourns. I love every single one of my family members and it pains me to think that they are so entangled in their own sin that they might never see the Light. Read the verses above again. There is no one who professes to love Jesus, who has Him in their hearts and then begins living a lifestyle that would not back their beliefs. It can't happen. The Holy Spirit does not allow nor does He "entertain" evil. That is why a Christian can not be possessed by a demon, but he can be oppressed.
I want to be careful about what I am conveying without sounding judgemental but the Word says it in Matthew 7:16, "By their fruit you will recognize them..."
Going back to this week being emotional and heavy... My husband and I were outside grilling on our patio when we saw some disturbing stuff on one of my family members' facebook page. I am not friends with this family member on facebook, but I have access to view their page because it is not completely restricted from me. Tears began to swell up in my eyes. My husband was there to bring comfort and to remind me of God's Word. Part of me got angry because this person professed to be a Christian but yet was living a lifestyle that completely contradicted God's Word. In fact, God condemns this sort of action and this person knows it. "Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will NOT come into the light for fear his deeds will be exposed." Which tells me there has got to be a supernatural drawing of purity by someone who has always been and always will be pure. The Light. The Savior. The Redeemer. Jesus!
I often would ponder why I never had a "solid" relationship with certain family members, especially since it is such a strong desire from within to have a united and close family. Could it be that the Light "blinds" them and causes them to run which in return leaves me feeling rejected? I have my theories, but I won't bore you with them.
I could go on and on...but I won't; I'm almost through!
We, as Christians, often come across as if we did something different than non-believers-- that's why we have Jesus. No, we didn't. We are just as sinful as they are. God just so happened to choose us from the foundations of the world, called us out of darkness into His marvelous light. For that, you should get on your knee's before the King of Kings and Lord of Lord's and say thank you. Furthermore, honor Him with your life!
The point of this blog was not to sway your theological mindset but to cause you to humble yourself under the mighty hand of God. To get yourself out of the equation and realize that it is God who calls us, we don't do the calling. When we live in sin, God is the farthest from our mind, informing me that I have no idea what the "heavenly hotline number" really is. At the end of the day, Matthew 7 teaches us that many will say "Lord Lord" claiming to "know" God. But the real question is, not whether or not you know God, but if God knows you?
I hope this has challenged you and caused you to see salvation from a different theological stand point.
I'll leave you with this.
Reflect back on your life. Examine the days you lived like a "wild & crazy" person (literally) and think about the mess you were in. Did it ever cross your mind, when you were in the midst of the world, to wake up one morning and say, "I need Jesus?" Chances are probably not.
By Grace Alone,
~Jenni~
P.S. My husband and I are now "Reformed-Charismatics". In other words, we have the best of both worlds-- we've got the Spirit and The Truth... :)
