Gotta love a deal...

Coupons, Coupons and more Coupons...or should I say,

SAVINGS, SAVINGS, and MORE SAVINGS!

I LOVE coupons and have used them in the past, but thanks to my sister-in-law, I am a little bit more savvy thanks to her and http://www.southernsavers.com/. There are misconceptions out there about coupons but I am here to tell you that they are not true. You can use coupons on HEALTHY items!!!

Trey and I try to be good stewards of the resources that God has entrusted to us and we try to practice this in every area of our lives, including grocery shopping. It is a shame to think that people spend lots of money on groceries. That, quite honestly, is not necessary. All it takes is a little time and effort and you could be saving your family thousands of dollars a year, SERIOUSLY. I hope that what I break down for you will help you see grocery shopping in a new light...If you are interested in learning more I am thinking about starting a coupon club...Sounds silly, I know, but I think it would be a lot of fun to have ladies get together for a night or two a month to chat and cut coupons. There is always swapping coupons, too!!!

Ok. So grocery break down time:

(2) Dove deodorants= FREE

(2) Glade candles (The fragrance collection)= they owed me $3.50

(1) Scotties box of tissues= FREE

(1) Colgate toothbrush=FREE

(2) bottles of Infusim Shampoo/Conditioner= $1.99 for both

(2) Fresh Express bagged salads= .95 each

(1) 55 ct. Force Flex tall kitchen bags= $4.49

(2) Green Valley Fresh Steamers (veggies)= .39 each

(1) Land of Lakes butter LIGHT= .89

(2) Wishbone Salad Dressings= .60 each

(2) Digorno 200 Calorie Pizza's= $1.99 each

(1) Revlon eye shadow= $1.99

(1) Tylenol Cold-Day time= .99

(1) Tylenol Cold-Night time= .99

(2) boxes (20 ct.) of Herbal Tea= .80 each

(1) Glade Plug-in Nightlight Warmer= FREE

(1) Robitussin Cough Syrup= $2.99

(2) Glade Oil Refills= $2.99 for both

(4) 2 liters of soda= .79 each

(1) paper= $1.87

(1) box of Dream Pasta= they owed me .09

(1) Blue Bonnet Margarine sticks= .69

I think I got everything on here...

My total was $120.12...I paid $27.37 before taxes!!! YOU SEE, COUPONS ARE SOOOOO WORTH IT! I hope you were inspired to jump on the coupon bandwagon :)

Merry Christmas,

~Jenni~

10 months, today! 12-7-09

Trey and I are celebrating 10 months today! These last 10 months have been filled with plenty of ups and downs for being newlyweds. I feel like we have encountered in 10 months what others would take 5 years to go through, but we realize that it's by the grace of God we stand here today; our feet placed on a solid Rock. We are stronger now than we have ever been!!! I truly believe that Satan saw a glimpse of our future and decided he was going to leave his mark early on, but he didn't win nor will he EVER!!! We rely on God daily for the needs of our relationship and strive to put Him first always. We know that when our source of life comes from Him first, the real demonstration of love can flow down to each other and saturate our hearts.
This 10 month anniversary was unlike any other. My husband's creativity is remarkable and I LOVE IT! He welcomed me at lunch today with a gift bag filled with goodies...each gift was symbolic of things that made him think of me...ARE YOU READY?!?!?!


Roses: my beauty
Mountain Dew (diet): my energy
M&M's: my sweet spirit
Faith Hill CD: I'm his song
Madea Goes to Jail DVD: my beautiful smile
Candle: my lovely fragrance
Body Wash: my desire to please him
PJ's: my ability to make him comfortable
Starbucks gift card: my favorite coffee place
Picture Frame: the rest of our lives together after our 1st Christmas

SPEECHLESS, was I!!! He never ceases to amaze me. I'm a blessed wife!!!
Thought I would just brag a bit ;)

Pictures to come :)

Today was the day...

I'm overcome with emotions as I ponder what these last 9 months could have brought me.

Today was the day that Trey and I were supposed to have a healthy baby (girl), but for whatever reason the joy of bearing a child did not come to pass for us this time. And, the truth is I still don't "feel" any better. I realize one day God will give Trey and I a healthy baby, but at this moment, no other baby will replace my first.
For those of you ladies who have miscarried, I am sure you can relate. It seems like every woman you know gets pregnant when you have lost one. I can tell you I have already gone before God on that one. He has already responded to me too. He never ceases to amaze me. I don't want you to think for one minute that I am not excited for those in my life who are pregnant; I am. It just can get a little overwhelming when I think about "what could have been."
There are no words that can express the heartache that resonates throughout my body. There are no words that can be spoken to alleviate the pain. The truth is that if you say it, I have already thought it.
I have a million thoughts running through my head, and I often think about the events that took place during the week that the doctors think I miscarried. I think about God's hand of provision & protection, and particularly the staff meeting that replaced my original doctor's appointment in which I would have heard the heartbeat.

I can assure you that I will be one momma-to-be who does not complain about the "little" things during my next pregnancy. The reason being, it's those little things that lets you know there is a healthy, growing baby inside of you. I can handle the sickness, the weight gain and the swollen "body parts"...in the end it's all worth it!


The next go around for Trey and I will be alot different from our first "announcement." There are just some things that will remain silent until the proper time.

Thanks for allowing me to express myself...I often find this is the easiest way for me to do so!

To my angel: I love you more than you will every know!

In Him,
~Jenni~

Life and Death...

is in the power of the tongue...Proverbs 18:21

Trey has been teaching through the book of James on Wednesday nights. Last night we had an incredible service and the Holy Spirit shook me back into the realization of who it is I am in Him and what it is He has called me to. The end of the service closed like this: Trey called me and another woman up to the front and we got on our knees. Women surrounded us and began to pray by the power of the Holy Spirit. I had many prophetic words spoken over me during that prayer time. "You endured something at a young age that you should have never had to deal with, you carried the "load," you carried shame and guilt, you were oppressed...but it wasn't your fault!" None of these women know my story or what I have been through; the Lord just moved in His power to have these ladies speak the words I needed to hear.
Another lady that was praying over me said that she could see that I was holding onto something--something small like a teddy bear or cat--refusing to let it go and cradling it with all the love I have. At the same time, God was holding me and cradling me so that I could know that He loves me and has as an ultimate plan for my life. My husband had the same vision during this time of prayer and he said that I was holding a child. Trey said that it was me reunited with our little girl--loving and embracing her like only a momma can. Many of you know about the tough year Trey and I have had, so this time of prayer truly touched me in my core and reminded me of the great love that God has for me.

Moving forward: I have had to reprogram my brain to think differently about myself and who I am. If you have ever been around someone who has constantly brought you down, then you too know that it is hard to change your thought pattern after someone has spoken ill over you. Even though some would say I didn't have a "bad" childhood, in many ways, I did. Giving monetarily doesn't replace emotional and mental neglect. At least by my standards it doesn't. True love is not giving of things, resources or money; it is giving of yourself. But if people don't love themselves then they can't give of themselves because they have nothing to give. As a result, children are neglected (emotionally and mentally) because they lack what they really need, LOVE. If there is no love to give then there will be no words of L.I.F.E. spoken over them. There will only be words of discouragement and failure. On the flip side, words of love that have not been spoken are just as painful. I once had a loved one tell me, "I didn't know how to love you." WOW. Can you imagine?
I honestly don't know why or how I am able to love like I do. Wait a minute. I do. JESUS! He is my reason and answer for everything. If we do not have love, we do not have Jesus--Jesus is love.

I will close with this...often times we have the capability of thinking before we speak. I want us to really check ourselves before we speak, especially to a loved one. We don't know what kind of effect that word will have on that person. So choose this day to speak L.I.F.E. This is truly the issue in our society: we can't love our neighbor as ourselves because we don't love ourselves. We don't love ourselves because we have never met the ultimate Lover.

His love never fails!

In Christ's Love,

~Jenni~

In all your getting...get understanding!

Proverbs 4: 4-7 (New American Standard Bible) Acquire wisdom! Acquire understanding! Do not forget nor turn away from the words of my mouth. 6"Do not forsake her, and she will guard you; Love her, and she will watch over you. 7"The beginning of wisdom is: Acquire wisdom; And with all your acquiring, get understanding.

This blog is stemming from some theological questions that I have been asking both myself and the Lord for some time now. I graduated from Trinity International University in May of 2008. All through college, I never received full clarification on certain doctrinal issues. I know now that was because the answers had to come from my own understanding of God's Word and what He had to say. I was taught from many different theological backgrounds, which I loved! But, of course, these individuals were instructed to teach the Word with out any "strings attached." YEAH RIGHT! I did not take their perspectives personally, nor did I feel violated or swayed to understand it "this way." But, as I get older, and hopefully wiser, God is beginning to show me things in a different light.

When I met my husband, I quickly realized that we were raised on opposite ends of the spectrum. One thing we did have in common, though, was that we were saved and we both loved Jesus with all of our hearts. Looking back now, I marvel at the sovereignty of God and how what appeared to be a set back was only a launching pad for the work that was about to take place in my life and in my husband's.

Hold on. I am going somewhere, I promise.

My husband is very theologically-minded, very reformed, to the point, that he would say he is "Calvinist" to an extent. UGH! Bothered me, GREATLY. Of course, I know what he meant and I knew that he was still a Christian. He just "sided" with a certain set of beliefs. I respect that. He isn't your average Christian who just walks around professing to be one; he really has a hold on the deeper things of God's Word. So, when we met, me being a- "Charismatic-Armenian" and he being a "Reformed-Calvinist", it made for a lot of interesting discussions to say the least. But, out of all those discussions and challenges it has brought me to where I am today and I am sure my husband would say the same.

The biggest issue an Armenian and Calvinist would debate is Free Will. Over time, my mindset has always been "FREE-WILL," ALL the way. Well, God began to really challenge me, along with my husband. This week was an emotional week to say the least. For those of you who know my story, you then know that my mother was in prison for five years. During that time, I chose to stay home and look after my two younger brothers. Those years of babysitting were about to become my reality on a daily basis, for the next five years or so. I was now going to assist my step-father in raising a 10 year old and a 13 year old. Mind you, I was19 and ready to leave for college. Not so. But that was OK. I felt "privileged" in a way. I was filling in the "gap." Although, I did not replace my mom ( I did not desire to do so), it was time for me to be the BIG SISTER. It was not easy and a lot occurred in the first year my mom was away. A LOT.

Getting closer to my point.

I grew up in a "torn" family. My parents divorced when I was 3, I think. I grew up with step-parents and half-brothers, which was fine. I love them all dearly. Do I agree with the choices they have made, NO--which leads me to my point. Us, "free will" people, will argue up and down, that we have a choice in the matter. You know, the choice of salvation. I would even argue it, imagine that. My argument: If God was so loving and he sent Jesus to die for people then how can your theory of election hold true? I think about John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." The part that says, "whoever believes in him..." it sounds like we have a choice in the matter, right?If you read down to John 3:19-20 it says, 'This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. 20) Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will NOT come into the light for fear his deeds will be exposed." This one verse can completely dispute and throw out the theory that we choose Jesus. WE DON'T. We were born into sin and as a result we are evil. It takes the prompting and leading of the Holy Spirit to penetrate to the very depths of our soul to change us. Evil does not come out during the day time, it comes out in the night. Why? Because it does not want to expose its filth or wickedness.

Following me?

Well, as I am now an "outsider" looking in when it comes to my family, my theology has changed. When I look at my family and the choices they currently are making I can't help to think, how in the world did I come to a place (since I was 12) loving Jesus and working in ministry? How did I come out of all that "stuff" and become somewhat "normal"? Well, the truth is, God chose me, He set me apart. I should have fallen off the "band-wagon" along time ago. If you have ever endured trials then I am sure you can relate.
Part of me rejoices, while the other part of me mourns. I love every single one of my family members and it pains me to think that they are so entangled in their own sin that they might never see the Light. Read the verses above again. There is no one who professes to love Jesus, who has Him in their hearts and then begins living a lifestyle that would not back their beliefs. It can't happen. The Holy Spirit does not allow nor does He "entertain" evil. That is why a Christian can not be possessed by a demon, but he can be oppressed.

I want to be careful about what I am conveying without sounding judgemental but the Word says it in Matthew 7:16, "By their fruit you will recognize them..."

Going back to this week being emotional and heavy... My husband and I were outside grilling on our patio when we saw some disturbing stuff on one of my family members' facebook page. I am not friends with this family member on facebook, but I have access to view their page because it is not completely restricted from me. Tears began to swell up in my eyes. My husband was there to bring comfort and to remind me of God's Word. Part of me got angry because this person professed to be a Christian but yet was living a lifestyle that completely contradicted God's Word. In fact, God condemns this sort of action and this person knows it. "Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will NOT come into the light for fear his deeds will be exposed." Which tells me there has got to be a supernatural drawing of purity by someone who has always been and always will be pure. The Light. The Savior. The Redeemer. Jesus!

I often would ponder why I never had a "solid" relationship with certain family members, especially since it is such a strong desire from within to have a united and close family. Could it be that the Light "blinds" them and causes them to run which in return leaves me feeling rejected? I have my theories, but I won't bore you with them.

I could go on and on...but I won't; I'm almost through!

We, as Christians, often come across as if we did something different than non-believers-- that's why we have Jesus. No, we didn't. We are just as sinful as they are. God just so happened to choose us from the foundations of the world, called us out of darkness into His marvelous light. For that, you should get on your knee's before the King of Kings and Lord of Lord's and say thank you. Furthermore, honor Him with your life!

The point of this blog was not to sway your theological mindset but to cause you to humble yourself under the mighty hand of God. To get yourself out of the equation and realize that it is God who calls us, we don't do the calling. When we live in sin, God is the farthest from our mind, informing me that I have no idea what the "heavenly hotline number" really is. At the end of the day, Matthew 7 teaches us that many will say "Lord Lord" claiming to "know" God. But the real question is, not whether or not you know God, but if God knows you?


I hope this has challenged you and caused you to see salvation from a different theological stand point.

I'll leave you with this.
Reflect back on your life. Examine the days you lived like a "wild & crazy" person (literally) and think about the mess you were in. Did it ever cross your mind, when you were in the midst of the world, to wake up one morning and say, "I need Jesus?" Chances are probably not.


By Grace Alone,
~Jenni~

P.S. My husband and I are now "Reformed-Charismatics". In other words, we have the best of both worlds-- we've got the Spirit and The Truth... :)

"Dare to be YOURSELF"

Every one of us shall give an account of himself to God.

Romans 14:12

Boldness is required if you're ever to be led by God! Why? Because He may direct you to do things that others don't understand or agree with. Insecure people tend to feel safer doing what others do. They're fearful of breaking the mold or standing alone. Anytime you step outside the boundaries of what others think is wise or proper, you risk rejection. But you mustn't allow that to keep you from fulfilling your God-given purpose.

Confronting criticism becomes a little easier when you remember that ultimately "every one of us shall give an account of himself to God." Sure it hurts to be criticized, but if you're to succeed at anything you must have the same attitude Paul had. Listen: "I am not the least concerned with the fact that you are deciding what is right and what is wrong with me...Neither you nor anyone else can put me down unless I first put myself down (and I'm not doing that)...though I don't know of anything against me, my ignorance doesn't mean that I am correct in my appraisal, because the final evaluation is in God's hands" (1 Co 4:3-4 Ben Campbell-Johnston para).

Secure people can handle being the only ones doing something. They can also allow others that same choice, because they know we have been called to accept one another-not analyze and categorize one another! Please don't grow old and feel like somewhere along the way you lost yourself, and never succeeded at being who God called you to be.

I have never had a problem with being bold. I've never had an issue with "standing out" because quite frankly, I do. I was born with a birth defect that could have hindered me in unbelievable ways (and in some cases did growing up), but instead I chose to stand out 1) because I love Jesus and 2) I have no problem witnessing to others about Him. Many of you are "perfect" in the physical sense, but when it comes to Jesus you hide behind a rock. Why? I often wonder why our country is in the mess it's in and why Christians think they have to ask permission to allow prayer amongst a gathering of unbelievers because we don't want to offend anyone. If I remember correctly, this country-the United States of America, was founded on Christian principles and beliefs. Don't ask permission.

It blows my mind to think that we (Christians) aren't operating under the power of the Holy Spirit. It makes me sad to think that there are many churches (Christian) in our nation that fail to emphasize the indwelling and power of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is who gives us power, yet we deny his operable presence in our lives. Many people often criticize the Charismatic "movement" or the Pentecostal church because it operates under the power and unction of the Holy Spirit. People typically say, "they're too emotional..." Be careful about judging one of God's children. Can I be honest for a minute? Thanks. I see God moving more in churches where the Holy Spirit is welcomed then those who deny or fail to talk about the power of the Holy Spirit. Now, don't get me wrong, He is there but that's it. There is no power being released...captives are not being set free, the sick are not being healed (Yep, I said it HEALED-God still heals today!) Demonic oppression still rest among the weary (Yep, I said it demons...)

Coming from a Charismatic Church I have seen a lot. It was all good, of course. But I have also been on the other side where I have been "trapped" in certain denominations where you don't dare mention the Holy Spirit, raise your hand during worship, speak in tongues (Yep, I said it...it did not cease at Pentecost people!) etc...

Men who walked with Jesus didn't care about what others thought and because of it many suffered brutally. Is that it...are we afraid to "suffer" for the name of Jesus? Ummm.....Matthew 16: 24-25 (Jesus was speaking here) "If anyone of you would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25) For whoever loses his life for me will find it."

I'll just let you ponder the above. Enough said.

We live in a free country, yet when it comes to Christianity, as a whole, we live "behind bars." I don't know about you, but I don't want to be that type of Christian. Do you realize that one day we will give an account to God of what we did with our resources and talents here on Earth? I don't want God to look at me and say, "you have failed to walk out the Great Commission."

You might ask, "well I just can't do that." Yes, you can it is a choice. Choose this day whom you will serve....***Please don't think that all of this has anything to do with your salvation because it doesn't. There is just more to it than being saved and "barely" getting into heaven. God wants to use us to bring honor and glory to His name. He wants to use us to bring change but that can't happen if we are paraylzed in fear. There are tons of people who need to hear THE TRUTH. When will we step out and be RADICAL for Jesus?

Radical Islam is growing at an enormous rate...it's scary! The reason being, they aren't ashamed to ACT on what they believe.

I will close with this. Why in our own faith (Christianity) are we so divided? God never intended for their to be religion. He wanted FREEDOM! So why have we divided Him?

In Him,

~Jenni~

"Challenged to Change"

Well, it has been over 2 months since I have posted a blog...I have written (1) but as you can see it didn't get "published."

Have you ever been so paralyzed with fear that you withhold speaking or writing your thoughts? Typically, I consider myself to be a very strong, bold & courageous person. But lately, my spirit has been weakened. Why? Well, because I have chosen to allow the Devil to use the words of others to penetrate to my soul. Therefore, I have taken a step back from writing anything that the Lord has impressed upon my heart to write.
But, the other day I was doing a devotion and came across this statement, "when you live for other people's approval, you risk forfeiting God's!"
I have had some pretty hurtful things said about me over the last several months by people who love me. And honestly, when I think about love, I think about this, "kind words, caring heart, gentle spirit, goodness, mercy, grace etc..."

I have asked the Lord to help me maintain my composure when I am in the presence of those who have spoken ill of me but recently, I messed up.
I really did not give this person the time of day and I'll admit it. I even apologized to this person because the truth is that's not who I want to be. I want to get to the place where I can love on that person(s) and even when I am struggling with what they have said about me. My husband, bless his heart, is a true example of this. He was deeply hurt by the actions of someone who loves him as well. When my husband told me the situation, I was boiling inside. I wanted to call that person and chew them out up and down, left to right. You feel me? My husband, in a nutshell, basically agreed that the person had obviously "made their way known and that's ok... to lash out at them would be exactly what the Devil wants and I refuse to go there." My husband can tell you that he has not ever been much of a defender. Well, before Jesus he was a fighter, but now he just "takes it." I'm not there yet, but I know with a godly husband whose strengths are my weaknesses; I will get there soon!

God is the one who heals our hearts, not man. The Lord really spoke to my heart and said, "True forgiveness comes when you can look that person in the face and say I forgive you even if they deny all they said about you and fail to apologize. My daughter that is true forgiveness!" I was like WHOA! Typically, when God speaks, I listen and act. Because there is no greater feeling than to be obedient and at the center of God's will. The image He showed me was of Jesus hanging on that cross: beaten, bruised, and tormented all for me and you. Folks, this was before we even existed! WOW. So if that sort of radical forgiveness is what provides us eternal life, should we not also do our best to embody forgiveness in our own lives?

Let me just say how good God is...Trey and I were given a devotion to do together entitled Nightlight; it was a wedding present. We have really enjoyed diving into it and a lot of good has come of it. Well, the week we were dealing with some outside issues about forgiveness and how it was affecting our marriage, we were on "How Do We Forgive?" Now, granted this is a book solely about the husband and wife, but there were critical points in it that we applied to others in our lives as well. So, it was God's way of showing Trey and I both, that we need to forgive those who have wronged us no matter what they fail to say in return.The forgiveness began with Trey and I first, and through a restored passion and renewal for our call of ministry and purpose together, we will now be able to forgive those around us as well.
It was awesome! It is so encouraging to know that God sees it all. To know that He is the final judge is good enough for me. I can rest knowing that I have released forgiveness to those who have wronged me. My next step, to face those who have wronged me and to let them know I forgive them! I get excited just thinking about it. You know you have climbed up another rung on the ladder of maturity in Him when you can say I am excited to forgive!!!! It's my heart's desire to please the Lord, and if that means dying to the flesh, then I will be glad to do it. I just don't want to stand in front of God one day with unforgiveness in my heart towards someone else. If we expect forgiveness from God then we ourselves have to be willing to forgive others.

My challenge to you would be this, your love for the Lord should empower you to release forgiveness to those who have wronged you and to seek forgiveness from those you have wronged!
Try it. Don't block God's blessing in your life because you are too stubborn to forgive!

Until next time....(hopefully, not 2 months from now!) ;)

~Jenni~

Faith vs. Fear

Yesterday, my husband and I were out and about and I approached him about something...In a nutshell, I told him I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to ask him about giving God more of our money. We have prayed daily about the growth of our business and for the people in it. We've already taken in a profit just in the first month. That being said, we know that we are blessed to be a blessing. I truly believe that we have what we have today because we understand the importance of giving. We know who our Provider is and we are confident that His Word is true. "... Yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their seed begging bread." Psalm 37:25

We have a house that most 26 year old's dream of when they purchase their first home...We are debt free with the exception of 1 car and our mortgage. We do what we can to take care of others. We are in a good place! And it is not because of anything we have done. I don't say all these things to boast, but I say them because, as Christians, we shouldn't withhold the blessing.

Going back to the above. Today's message at church was about giving. It bothers me when people say I can't give because I can't afford to. Truthfully, you can't afford not to. If we can trust God with our spouse, our children, our friends etc...then why can't we trust him with our finances. The message today was confirmation that we need to do what the Holy Spirit impressed upon us to do.
It is in times like the current economic crises that believers should be looking for ways to live 'recession proof,' a phrase coined by one of the great financial adviser's today, Dave Ramsey. The first step in pursuing a 'recession proof' lifestyle is to give...and that means different things for different people. Giving comes as an overflow of the heart. So, the percentage of what you give is not the focus, the attitude behind your giving is. I encourage you to be faithful in the little and watch how good God is in the much.

The most prevalent commandment in Scripture is to "fear not." We cannot be scared of sowing financial seeds into God's kingdom, because He desires to use those seeds to reap a harvest in and around us.

I pray that as Christians we would be consumed with faith, not fear. I truly believe that in these last days, in the midst of an uncertain government, economy & health care issues, God has us covered. I pray that we would find comfort in the One who is our provider, our Jehovah Jirah.
Remember that what we do have is already God's, we are just called to be faithful stewards!

I hope this challenges you, just like it has Trey and I.

Blessings,
~Jenni~

P.S. You will notice that I actually wrote this blog last weekend but didn't finish it....so I saved it and finished it tonight!

By Faith...

So, my husband and I were doing our devotion's and we were in the book of Hebrews, chapter 11...The Hall of Fame of Faith!

As I was reading aloud, the Lord just bombarded me with all sorts of thoughts. I just hope I can recall them all at this moment. I know, that's what I get for not writing them down...

As many of you know, Trey and I have ventured out into the MLM business. A business that has already shown itself to be effective. But, more importantly, it required us to have faith. We saw the numbers, we saw the opportunity, we prayed and off we went! It has definitely grown to the point where in 11 days we are just about to pay off our product.

We have seen some who are so amped up while others are a little wishy-washy. Facebook launched a game called RAD which represents the product-Efusjon. Apparently, this is where the confusion set in...some thought, that now that it has hit facebook, they can just sit back and make money. Truthfully, these kinds of mindsets get you no where. Once again, SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE GET TO BE SUCCESSFUL BECAUSE THEY WORK HARD!

I guess this is coming from someone who understands that you have to work hard in order to see your harvest. I have learned to be content in whatever situation I've encountered. My friends, I know what it is to literally have nothing. I know what it means to have everything ripped right out from underneath me and to walk into a bank with $80.00 at the age of 19.
For those of you who know my past, you know that my family lost everything and then some. So maybe that's what makes my mindset different from others--where I am today hasn't been handed to me. I've worked hard and I've established what I have today. Excuse me, it was by the grace of God that I am where I am today. Thank you Jesus-for loving and caring for me enough that You've always provided!

Have you ever wondered what sets the go-getter and weary apart or the successful and unsuccessful apart? Could it be that the go-getter doesn't see what presently is and the weary does...Or could it be the motive/intention of the heart? If you read my post, "The Power of Persistent Prayer" then you would have come across James 4:3. It's a good verse, read it sometime!
Let me squeeze this in, "Faith without works is dead." You can have faith in something but if you don't actively pursue it then it's useless. If you have faith and you're praying, but your prayer's are for your own selfish gain, then that isn't effective either.

By faith, Abraham was willing to sacrifice his son in his known circumstances, understanding that God would bless him in his unknown future. Look at all of the unknown's he faced yet he continued to ascend up the mountain, not descend. Allow Abraham's life to encourage you and to help you remember that "ALL things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purposes." Romans 8:28

I will close with this verse:
Galatians 6:9-The Message
"So let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don't give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith."

In Him,
~Jenni~

Skeptic of all Skeptics...

I'd like to think of myself as a person who really examines both sides of the coin before I venture out into the "unknown." I go to the Lord in everything before I make big decisions, but sometimes I wonder if God requires us to step out in faith FIRST in order for Him to move. We are to walk by faith not by sight!
With that being said...My husband dove into a business opportunity that personally could change our lives. Now, remember, I am a skeptic about opportunities like this and really like my money where it is. But truthfully, financial increase sometimes requires us to sacrifice in the beginning before we ever see the harvest.
I was not completely in agreement with my husband but I knew that whatever decision was made in the end would need to be made by him. As a result, I was not in agreement with him, but I knew the Lord would still honor me and protect me IF I honored and supported my husband. So my prayer became, "Lord protect us and if this is something that could bring honor and glory to your name then give me peace which surpasses all understanding!"
For the last 7 days my husband and I have prayed every night for the expansion of this business and in the last 7 days we have had 9 people join. Coincidence, I don't think so!
The Lord is showing me that it is easy to trust in the existing, but true faith lies when we step into something we can't see. After all, isn't that what Christianity and being a believer is all about?
My blog today is not to persuade you or coerce you into joining Efusjon. I would ask that you inquire about it and then go to the Lord in prayer with your spouse. I believe that there is power when a couple, or two or more, go to the Lord in prayer. It's evident in our lives today!

I realize the stock market has failed many who have trusted in it. My father-in-law lost a significant portion of his retirement via the stock market in the last year. In spite of that, he's believing by faith that Efusjon is more than a stimulus package or a part-time job. He genuinely believes that he will recoup his lost money and then some, enabling him to still retire at 55. (He is 53 today.)
Trey and I have dreams of significantly expanding the kingdom of God. We believe this could be the avenue to get us there.

Do you have a dream or have your dreams been squashed out by the circumstances surrounding you? I encourage you to step out in faith and make a small investment--an investment that eventually could bring about a life changing result.

Matthew 17:20- New International Version
"He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, move from here to there and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

With God ALL things are possible. It's time that Christian's rise in the business arena and let the world look at us, so that we can turn around and show them God! In the end, it is all about expanding the kingdom, we are just being faithful stewards of what is already God's!

Proverbs 13:22-New Living Translation
"Good people leave an inheritance to their grandchildren, but the sinner’s wealth passes to the godly."

Check out the following:
www.freeus.ws/efusjonvideo2
http://www.efusjonse.blogspot.com/

or you can search for Derek Broes on YouTube.

If you would like more information please call me.
404-451-9097 (H)

Thank you for your time.

In Him,
Jenni

P.S. If you have read this far then this should intrigue you....The founder of Efusjon is a CHRISTIAN-so that should tell you where this business is headed! Rob Towles-founder of Efusjon

"Persistent Prayer"

Sorry, for the delay in writing...Trey and I have been on vacation for quite some time! BUT, I'm glad to be home and back at it....So here I go!

Today's blog is going to come from I Samuel 1....

As I began to read, the Lord really impressed upon my heart the POWER of PERSISTENT PRAYER! I will use Hannah as the perfect example of what it means to press through in prayer.
Hannah was married to Elkanah who was also married to Peninnah.
At this point in the story, Hannah was without child and Peninnah had many. Peninnah, I believe, made daily attempts to remind Hannah of what she did not have.
WOW, I can't even imagine how difficult that must have been for Hannah. Yet, I see no retaliation on Hannah's part. I must add, in this particular situation, I don't think I could hold back like Hannah did. GO GIRL is all I can say.
Moving forward... Here's where persistent prayer comes into play. Instead of retaliating, Hannah got on her knees and prayed DILIGENTLY. I am reminded of this verse in James 5: 16b "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." Because of Hannah's inward position before God, her prayers were both powerful and effective.
But more importantly, I am reminded of this verse... James 4:3 "When you ask (pray), you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."
SHOCKING, I know...Do I believe that God does not give us some of the things we want? No, of course he does. The point here is that what we desire may not offer anything to us spiritually. Until our desires for us are God's desires for us, our prayers are not the prayers of a righteous man. I believe that with every blessing God gives us comes growth. God will never give us something that we are not mature enough to handle or that is not in line with his plan for us because we will blow it on our own selfish pleasures.

Going back to Hannah.

She desired a child badly to the point where she was communicating intently with God and was accused of being drunk. How many of us pray to the point that we are praying under the power of the Holy Spirit? Persistent prayer led to breakthrough. Hannah even goes a step further-- this is where many of us stop--offering to use the blessing (a son) for God's glory. This is what separates our prayers from Hannah's. She desired a child so much that giving him back to the Lord was ok. She just wanted the blessing of bearing and caring for a child of her own. Hannah's motives were pure and sincere and it was to benefit the work of God's kingdom.

So I encourage you today to pray without ceasing and pray that what you desire would be beneficial for the kingdom of God. I believe with every blessing, we have the opportunity to glorify and bring honor to the kingdom of God.

Philippians 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

In Him,
~Jenni~

Christ's challenge to us....

As a church body, we have been diving into a series entitled "Go....Grow....Reproduce." I love the idea that my church is all about making disciples and sending them out. They definitely are about replicating the 1st century church! Unfortunately, most of the modern day church has tucked away the sending nature of God time capsule style, thinking that maybe one of the succeeding generations might uncover it one day and be reminded of how church used to be.

Moving forward. My pastor really did an incredible job relaying the message of growing as Christians and what it takes on our part, CHANGE. The road to progress is paved with change. I know it is a small word but quite intimidating to say the least.

He made the following statement: "Christ is asking that we follow Him." Apparently the word "follow" in the Greek means "to cling." Think about the picture here.... and how differently it feels to "cling" to something, rather than to simply "follow" something.

If Christ's desire for us is to cling to Him with every ounce of life, then why is it not good enough just to follow?
1 Peter 2:2-3 "Like newborn babies, crave spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good."
Lets break this down for a minute....
1) Remember the time when you first became saved??? We were all on fire for God, right??? Definitely. It was a "new experience" that caused us to want/crave change and more of God....
2) Key word-- GROW UP in your salvation. These verses imply that spiritual milk is only sufficient for a time, not forever.
3) Once you are able to "taste" the goodness of God, there should be a desire within to strive for what's better, what's more perfect, the things and plans of God!

I say all that to say this. In order to do away with spiritual milk, an inward and an outward change must take place. If you desire to eat of the "meat" then it is going to require CHANGE. I personally do not feel that a person can grow spiritually without first changing inwardly. The inward then results in the outward. Once you have made a change, inwardly and outwardly, then you can find yourself leading towards growth...Spiritual growth. If, of course, that's the path you have chosen to seek after.

I feel like the following verse can piggy-back on what I am trying to say.
1 Corinthians 13:11 "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me."

Even as we grow into maturity considering our physical bodies, we don't do certain things that we did in the past because we've matured, developed and grown.

So I guess our challenge would be this...Are we desperate enough to cling to Christ by being willing to change inwardly and outwardly? Calcium is good for a while, but at some point you get a hankering for steak.

I hope this encourages you but most importantly challenges you to seek after your change!

Deuteronomy 8:3
"He humbled you, causing you to to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord."


Until next time....

The Power of a Godly Woman!

Today's blog has a lot to do with us as women. Applying the "God image' in our lives will allow us to be victorious in ALL situations. How many of us want to be victorious in whatever situation comes our way?!?!? I DO....

So, with that being said, I love reading books that offer spiritual fuel for the battle. I don't waste my time reading books that are "non-sense" and that don't offer anything to my spiritual walk. I'm not putting down those types of books, they just aren't for me, ya know??
Lately, I've been reading a book entitled Only a Woman-Claiming Your Amazing Power in Christ.

It's an incredible book and I have enjoyed what I have read thus far. The book begins with a woman's village being attacked and her husband losing his life during the battle. The "baton" was passed to her by her husband and she was given the mission to save her people, all the while holding onto her own precious baby. To sum up what I have read, she saved the village people! GO GIRL! But she was faced with the overwhelming fear, as they lowered her lifeless husband's body into the ground, of doing this all alone. You know, LIFE. As the village people sang her praises, she was numb to it all. Yet, I love the point the book makes: Do we choose "God-image" or self-image. Many times, during those trying situations, fear may grip us. In a real crisis, we will struggle with the person we believe we are and the person God has called us to be. Many times, we revert back to the self-image, while simultaneously paralyzing the power of the God-image inside us.

Terri McFaddin's book defines the "God image" as the person God intended you to be from the womb-the person with special gifts, purpose, and calling.
The self-image is the person you perceive yourself to be based on the influences of your environment and your culture. Pretty powerful, huh?!?!? How many of us know this, but forget it when faced with a trying situation? We allow worry, fear, and anxiety to creep in.
Truthfully, I can't even try to relate to this wife and mom, but what I do see in her is a quality I want to have. In the face of adversity, anger, and sadness, she still pressed on in her "God-image", not her self-image.

So, as a woman writing to other women, how will you DAILY carry your "God-image" versus self-image? As I continue reading, I will blog different insights that I may get from the book. Allow these insights to challenge you in the face of your everyday life, in whatever this life might bring. Whether you face a business deal that you really need to close, or you find taking care of your husband and children a difficult task for the day, stay focused on letting your "God-image" come through.
In order to be a powerful, godly woman we must continually carry God's image not our own. We are limited when using self-image but with His image we can do ALL things. (Phil. 4:13)
Reflect on times when you were faced with a difficult situation. Did you put on the full armor of God or did you hide in fear carrying your self-image?

Be that powerful woman God has enabled you to be!

I'll close with this verse...
Judges 5:7
"Village life ceased, it ceased in Israel, until I, Deborah (god-image not self-image), arose, arose a mother in Israel.

Be a 21st Deborah!

In Him,
~Jenni~

Ready...Set...Lose Weight!!

So, Trey and I have made some lifestyle changes recently...As many of you know, or may not, my husband is a diabetic and has battled his weight his entire life. He has been ridiculed by many, and I mean many, from the time he was a young boy. It hurts me and breaks my heart when we talk about the struggles he faced growing up. There are even times now when somebody may mention Trey's weight and I want to go off. Its ridiculous.

Side bar. Have you ever realized the goodness of God in the following situation. Everyday you wake up and realize more and more why God put a particular person in your life? Spouse..friend...neighbor..pastor..etc...
Everyday I wake up I thank the Lord for my husband. And realize, in sooooo many ways, why the Lord brought us together as man and wife. Trey and I are similar in a lot of ways but also very different. We both know what it is to struggle with maintaining a "healthy" weight, being ridiculed by others and suffer from hurt, pain and anger. Bottom line, we can relate. It bothers me immensely when I hear or see people make comments about heavy people. Seriously, you have NO idea what drove that person to that point. You could have had a HUGE impact on why that person looks the way he/she does. Obviously, I know, we are to take responsibility for our own actions...but your influence could have left a negative impact on that person causing them to "escape" into an eating frenzy. Because that is how they cope.

Side bar. A lot of people today abuse medicine-pain killers, anti-depressants etc...For a person who suffers from depression, alcohol, and/or nicotine addiction what do they do? Take medicine to hopefully alleviate the issue, right??? YES. Or they just continue in their bad habit. For a person battling their weight it is the same thing. Except in our society socially acceptable is being a size 2 (women) and a size 34-36 (man). So overeating is a huge NO-NO and, like the above, it deteriorates your health. My point. Please do not speak an ill word of someone who struggles with their weight if you are medicating yourself in a different way. We all have issues plain and simple. God did not design perfect people and if you are striving for perfection you will lose. And maybe even cause yourself a lot of harm in the end.

With that being said, Trey and I have been working together to both lose weight. We've been doing a fantastic job incorporating exercise and healthy eating into our lives. We plan on continuing to do so! We look forward to the end results, for thanking each other and thanking our Heavenly Father for encouraging us every step of the way!

I just need to boast a bit... :)

My husband is more of a man than most. He desires to walk in the will of our Heavenly Father. He desires to be a good provider, husband and father. He attempts everyday to break negative patterns that have been a strong influence in his life. And in the deepest parts of my husband's heart lies a man who seeks out change everyday for himself. A trait that many of us would rather not tackle. He is a man who desires to set others free from the bondage of this world by teaching and inspiring through biblical scriptures. His dreams and desires are endless! I know that through every step of faith and every growth in maturity God is opening a door to use his gifts and talents for His glory!

So if you are on a journey to lose weight...YOU CAN DO IT!
"I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me!" Philippians 4:13 NKJV

Until next time....

Ready..Set..GO-lose weight, break a bad habit, start a daily devotion!

A Special Friend!

Well, this blog will be very easy to write about because it is coming straight from my heart...

I really truly believe that God is always divine when he places people in your life. It was a little over a year ago that I moved to Atlanta and, although I miss my friends in Miami, God has been faithful in bringing new friends into my life.

If you know my past then you know I have a hard time TRUSTING...I trust in God and I have complete confidence in Him, which is great and we all should, but when it comes to people, a little difficult for me. It is especially hard for me to become close with females because of the strained relationship I have with my mother. Unfortunately, I have stereo-typed women as being: gossipers, liars, manipulators, deceivers, controllers etc...Not intentionally, well, at least I don't think I do??

Moving forward. God has been gracious in bringing one particular young lady into my life from my very first visit here. She is an incredible woman of God and is an amazing friend. Her husband and Trey have known each other since high school, making our first dinner date completely relaxed. Trey kept on and on about her and, of course, her husband. Needless to say she is a God sent! She has been there for me since day one. She is a genuine friend, who is completely honest, and worthy of trusting. She allows me to vent when I am extremely frustrated with certain people and she responds with an honest, "This is how I would approach the situation." I mean she ROCKS.
Her and her husband traveled to TN to be apart of our wedding day! He, in fact, married us!
She was there for me when I miscarried...Get this. I didn't answer my phone when she called, TWICE, because I was using the potty and the next thing I know she is at my door step.. She wasn't trying to get me out of bed, tell me indirectly I needed to move forward, she just allowed me to grieve. She was so gentle and compassionate. Seriously, she is an over-the-top kind of friend. A friend that all of us should strive to be. I honestly can't say enough about her. Trey and I adore the friendship we have with her and her husband. We know that in the future they will play very important roles in the lives of our children.

Both of them were there for Trey when he had back surgery last year. I mean they just didn't come to the hospital to "talk" but they came bearing gifts! I mean everything from DVDs (like 100), baked items, even some cozy things for me! :) I know one day when they both get to heaven they will have a mac-daddy mansion because of all they do for people here on earth.
She is a very classy, sophisticated and a goofy (in her own kind of way type of lady!)
I could go on and on but I think you get the point. Friends are treasures sent from above. And I most definitely treasure you, LB!

Love you girl and I look forward to many, many happy times ahead!

June 6th, 2009

What a long journey home....

Our flight left Vegas at 5:50am Saturday, June 6th....Trey and I had no sleep and were up for over 24 hours...I looked like a hot mess! No lie.
We got to the airport at 2:30 am and it was a ghost town. Not a person to be seen. We even tried to sleep in the airport, I wish I had a picture for y'all to have seen what we looked like. Hilarious-that's all I can say. Although it was not funny at the time!

We boarded the plan to Atlanta....only then to board another plan to Charlotte... By the time we arrived to Charlotte the delirium set in. All I kept thinking is how in the world would we make it home. I don't sleep in cars but, my husband, he has no problem doing that. So I drove so that he could get some sleep.

I, on the other hand, thought about that day, June 6th. For many it was just another day but for me it was anything but....It was exactly a month ago that Trey and I found out our baby had no heartbeat. I broke down in the car as Trey was sleeping. I couldn't help but reflect on the entire experience and to think about the Grace of God. Once again, I found myself, hand raised worshiping the Lord. There is a song titled, "There will be a day" by Jeremy Camp
It is an incredible song and it came on at the exact same time that I began to reflect on what I had gone through...
The words go like this:

I try to hold on to this world with everything I have...
But I feel the weight of what it brings and the hurt that tries to grab..
Many trials that seem to never end...this world declares this truth...
We will enter in this rest...with wonders a new...
BUT I hold onto this hope...and the promise that HE brings..
There will be a place with no more suffering...
There will be a day..with no more tears..no more pain...and no more fears..
There will be a day... when the burdens of this place...will be no more...we'll see Jesus face to face..
But until that day...we'll hold onto you... always...
I know the journey seems so long...you feel your walking on your own...
There has never been a step..where you've walked out all alone..troubled soul don't lose your heart...cuz joy and peace He brings..and the beauty that's in store...out weighs the hurt of life's sting...
(back to the chorus)

A beautiful song that means more to me now than when I first heard it.

I realize that I was not the first person in the world to miscarry, but unfortunately, I do know that I will not be the last....Therefore, I pray, when the time comes that God will help me to help another woman who needs to see the hope in the midst of a hopeless situation.

That is all for now....May God Bless You and Keep You!

~Jenni-Lynn~

Vegas...baby!

Vegas is definitely a sight to be seen! You have to go atleast once if you haven't already been....

Go to my husbands blog to read about Vegas..www.thewhirlingderbisher.blogspot.com

My sebatical is over......but where do I begin?!?!?

Well, alot has transpired since my last post....leaving me baffled about where I should begin!

May 30th- Our Last Wedding Reception! Yippie- seriously, I was over it already...

Kudos definitely goes out to my husband for all the running around he did that day. He was my SUPER husband and did a great job making it a lovely evening. I, on the other hand, spent the morning with my cousin...we were on a mission! My mother-in-law met us at Tanger where she picked out some great shoes for my dress..she also let me borrow a beautiful necklace and earrings set...Mission accomplished!

It was a very hot day....and on our way out we stopped by McDonald's...Deperately needing something to eat and, no, yogurt parfaits made, are you serious???

I LOVE parfaits, just ask my husband...So I settled for apples and caramel dipping sauce....

I started to feel extremely ill, with a major headache to follow...I had to pull over because I felt like vomitting..My cousin offered to drive but I insisted that I could make it home...Well, that was not the case. You would have thought it was my actual wedding day, as I proceeded to vomit on the side of the road....Needless to say, I got home and rested until it was time to get ready!

Here are a few pictures of the evening!

My Husband!

We always dream as little girls that one day we will meet our Prince Charming, he will gracefully sweep us off our feet and then we will ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after......

Truthfully, I did not ask for any of the above nor did I believe any of the above would "come true." Maybe it was because I was faced with the reality at a very young age that sometimes happily ever after doesn't really happen. I look around and I ask, Where did the effort go? Where did the sacrifice fall? Where did the to death do us part end? Jesus was the only answer I could find. Without Him marriages fail and in some cases with Him marriages fail...So why do we give up so easily? What causes us to say, "It's over?" Are we all so stubborn and so selfish that its all about us and if our needs aren't met then we are gone. Really, I wonder what Jesus is thinking? In the face of death, He didn't run. So why do we? And might I make mention, many of us aren't running because there is a warrant for our death...

Marriage requires us to change. Before it was all about me, me, me! You know what I am talking about :) And now its all about us, us, us! So, yes, change is required in order for the 2 to remain as 1. So this is where I see marriages end. I know its a big word, SACRIFICE. Americans have a hard time comprehending the word sacrifice much less actually doing it. Yet when we look to the greatest "man" that walked the earth, He was all about sacrifice.

So I say all that to say, that God has blessed me ABUNDANTLY with a man who strives everyday to sacrifice himself for me. He lived a life for a long time that was all about him, but he has done an amazing job making it all about me. Is our marriage perfect, are we each struggling with issues that were brought on as a result of our parents, ABSOLUTELY, but at the end of the day, we strive everyday to sacrifice ourselves for each other. And the most important word I can use here is CHANGE. My husband desperatley desires to change everyday, while still holding on to fears that grip him from the past. Change is hard and it requires us to actively change our ways, its not easy. Which explains why many CHOOSE not to change. I can't accept someone who says I can't change....A life lived in the world to a life lived in Christ is a huge example of change. So what is your excuse?

I meant this to be about my husband so here it is...

You truly are the godly man that I prayed for and without you in my life I am lacking. You are my strength when I am weak. You have been my support in many ways. You have enabled me to lift my head when I just wanted it to drop. You've been there for me when no one else was. You constantly strive to make me happy. When I am hurting you hurt. You are a great provider and lover. You are the love of my life! With you I feel secure, safe and satisfied. It's hard to believe that in just a couple of days you got down on one knee. And, yet, here we are, married, in love and living happily ever after. I love you and I know you know. Its obvious, seeing as though I only tell you a million times a day. ;) I promise to continue to put God first and you second because I know that kind of unfailing love will last a life time. True love wasn't modeled before me, but I'm thankful to serve a God everyday who shows me what real love is all about. You are a true example of change. I know you are not where you want to be but know that you are doing a great job getting there! And its because you have a desire to seek change. That is a remarkable quality in and of itself.
I can go on and on but I will stop for now....

I only pray that the love I feel towards you is demonstrated on a day to day basis. I love you with all my heart!
~Jenni~

I'm back....

I know, it has been a while, but I'm ready to blog again!

Well, this is just a glimpse of what last week looked like for Trey and I......

I went back to the doctor's last week for a follow-up and, it wasn't exactly the kind of follow-up I was hoping for. Apparently, I did not "pass" everything and so I was given more medicine...
Come to find out, the reason why I did not pass everything was because I was taking pain medicine that was counteracting the contractions. Wonderful, I know. That explains the difference in the first night versus all the rest. The first night I took the medication I literally felt like I was dilated 10 cm, pushing out a healthy baby boy/girl, NATURALLY. The pain was no joke. Seriously, when the time does come again, lets just say I won't be nominated for a Grammy or an Oscar. I no longer have a desire to deliver naturally.

So, I started the 2nd round of medicine last Thursday and finished Saturday morning. I was suppose to go back to the doctor's tom., but plans have changed. Due to another staff meeting at school, I have to reschedule.....I'm trying not to complain because I only work 180 days out of the year, but the timing of this stinks.
Let me mention that this medicine was nothing like the first go around. The cramping was nothing more than a menstrual cramp, Thank you Jesus. I just pray it was strong enough and that it served its purpose because I do NOT want to have a DNC.
Please, continue to pray that my body is restored and that a DNC does not lie within the near future. Not an option since day 1, and I APPRECIATE my husband so much for not imposing that on me.

Stay tuned for a special blog dedicated to my husband!

Friday afternoon Trey and I headed to Fort Mill, SC, where we celebrated our marriage with my family. I must say, it was the best thing I could have done at that time. We needed to get away, even though I hadn't completely healed physically, it was some kind of fun! Trey and I are extremely blessed to have such large families who love us so very much. It showed by all the support and love that went into our reception Saturday night!

We came back yesterday and are trying to get through this week. Hopefully, it will fly by like last week.

Trey and I have so much to look forward to and we are excited about all the traveling we will be doing over the summer! Don't worry I will fill you in on upcoming blogs!

That's it for now.....

In Him,

~Jenni-Lynn~

Monday's.....

Ok, so, I'm sure the majority of you, working class people, would agree with me that Monday's stink??? I thought so.

This particular Monday for me wasn't any different. It was bittersweet. I had to put my "big girl panties" on, bite the bullet and face reality. All while still coping with the hurt and pain, both physical and emotional, of the reality that I know longer have a healthy, baby boy/girl growing inside of me.

I got to school and had a beautiful plant sitting on my desk with a card from one of my students parent, along with dozens and dozens of sweet, home-made cards from my kids. This was obviously the sweet from the bittersweet. I sat there and cried as I read the beautiful, innocent words coming from 11 and 12 years old. Words of encouragement, love and hope along with Bible verses such as this one, "For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations" Psalm 100:5

I received hugs, after hugs, after hugs. Along with comments like, "Mrs. Sheneman don't cry God has given you, us for now, we are your "babies." I mean, seriously, lets just say this is not when the crying stopped. I was embraced, loved and reminded that God had surrounded me with his promise and it was evident.

Psalm 128:1-4 & 6a

"Blessed are all who fear the Lord, who walk in his ways. You will eat the fruit of your labor; blessings and prosperity will be yours. Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your sons will be like olive shoots around your table. Thus is the man blessed who fears the Lord...and may you live to see your children's children!!" AMEN

Truthfully, I could not have asked for a better career. I am constantly reminded all day, everyday of God's provision and God's faithfulness, based on the beautiful children I see everyday.
I was not only embraced by my kids, but also my principal and many teachers. Some with just a hug and "I love you," while others a rub on the back because they had no words to say and those quiet touches were just as equally good. Overall, it was a good day. I was still in pain and reaping the affects of what I lost, but its getting better and I know, "Everything's going to be alright."

I've appreciated ALL of your prayers, they definitely have been felt and treasured.

To Dad & Mom: We are blessed to have you as parents and most importantly godly parents.
Mom- I appreciate your compassion and love towards me. This situation has allowed me to trust and feel secure in the arms of a mother's love. Next time open the door because whether I realized it or not I needed you!
Dad- I know you've been at a loss for words and that's ok. I know you love me and are sorry for what Trey and I have endured. I'm sure as a parent this is one situation that if you could fix it, you would. You're sweet hugs were HUGE and much appreciated.
We love you both very much.

To Joey & Stacey: You've both been very loving and compassionate during this whole situation.
Stacey- Although I did not ask you to take a half-day and drive to Henry County, its probably a good thing you did. You've shown me, that when it comes to love, jumping through hoops is necessary because "when one of us hurts, we all hurt." Love you and thank you!
Joey- A man of few words, but when you speak, you crack us all up. Thank you for a hug and a "how are you feeling," it was just enough!
We love you both very much.

To Brad & Lanie Beth: Your friendship is our blessing from the Lord and we love you both more than you can imagine. You two are incredible. You have a heart for the hurting and a love for God's children. It's evident in your lives on a daily basis. You have bent over backwards for Trey and I, while still going about the daily ins and out of your own lives. THANK YOU...Can't you see why we chose the both of you?!?!? :)

To Blake & Sabrina: Your friendship is treasured. You two are sweet as pie. Scary, at times, to think my husband and Blake are exactly the same but, Blake, you are good for my Trey. Of course, with healthy boundaries, y'all are a "good fit." Sabrina, your a blessing to me...even when I didn't answer your calls or return your text. You were still in my heart and thoughts! We love you and appreciate all you've done for us.

To those I have not included, you are not forgotten. You are a blessing to Trey and I whether I have plugged you into this little "added note." Trey and I are blessed to be surrounded by such wonderful friends and family. May God continue to bless you all.

With Love,
~Jenni~

Happy Mother's Day

Today was difficult, I can not lie. I told my husband I would do my best to put a happy face on but I couldn't fight back some tears. We spent the day with Trey's family in Madison. Had a picnic at the park, ate some fried chicken and watched the kids play. As many times I have seen my niece and nephew, seeing them today was so difficult. They are healthy, beautiful and very much active, which I am so glad for, but all I kept thinking about was my little one.
At some point today Trey and I were sitting on the couch when Tripp glanced at my tummy and said, "baby," I cried. Trey had to tell him that he/she was with Jesus. Tripp didn't get it but that's OK.

Needless to say, I "survived."

I was glad Trey got to spend some time with his momma, as she understands what it means to have a child taken from her way too soon too. She lost her first son, Stevie, when he was only 11 in a tragic accident. I realize so much more why God choose Trey to be my husband and Deb to be my mother-in-law. I am blessed.

I want to take this time to recognize and honor an amazing mother. Although she is not my mother, she is my grandmother, my Nana. This Mother's Day was difficult for her as well. She has 3 children, one of which is my mom, and yet 2 out of her 3 children consciously made the decision not to send a card or even bother to pick up the phone. Some mother's amaze me, that's all I can say. My Nana is a godly woman who has literally been through hell and back, for what, I couldn't even tell you. (Another question I feel the need to ask God about.)
She did the best she could raising her children, a single parent, with no help from their father. Yet, all of a sudden they find their father and choose to listen and agree to his "side" of the story.
"Who raised you, who provided food for you and who put clothes on your back..." I think the answer to the side of the story should be pretty obvious... Don't get me wrong, I am all about forgiveness, but don't turn your back on the one who provided for you and was there all along.

The whole situation is extremely sad but I just ask that you would pray for my Nana, pray for my family. Her name is Elizabeth McKuhen. Pray for healing in her life and the strength to face each day. She deserves so much but has seemed to be given the "short end of the stick." But I know that one day (when she is like a 100) when she meets Jesus face to face he will have an amazing crown of jewels for her. Because she has done her best to be a Proverbs 31 woman.

Happy Mother's Day, Nana!

To all the mommas who have lost their babies, I know, it hurts. To all the mommas who can't or are struggling to become pregnant, hold on to the promises in God's word.

And to all those mommas who have already been blessed with children, look at them each day and say, "Thank you, Jesus, I am blessed." Complain less because you are blessed. Stop to think about those women who would love to be up with their baby all night, who would give anything to feed them at their breast and who would give their life up for the sake of their child. You are blessed!

To my angel, know that mommy and daddy love you. We know you are protected and safe! Thank you for allowing me to be your mommy, even if it was just for a little while in my tummy. You brought me so much joy! BIG XOXOXOXO's

In Him,

~Jenni~

"It's Happening"

At about 11:00 pm on Friday, May 8th the contractions began. They were bad. Physically I have never experienced this kind of pain, I didn't know what to do. I woke up from the pain and all I needed was my Trey. I couldn't get comfortable, I just cried out for some relief. I went to the bathroom and stayed there. As awkward as that may seem, it was the only "comfortable" place to me. I sat there in agony, tears rolling down my face and my husband desperately wanting to take the pain away, but he couldn't. I asked him if he would get me my Ipod, he willing jumped up to give it to me.

All I could think about was praising the sweet name of Jesus. Trey was willing to sit there with me but I told him, "just go back to bed." He has not slept well either and I didn't want to take away from him anymore. As I sat there, I just cried and worshipped my King, my Lord, my Savior, the Giver of Life. I couldn't believe the relief that overtook my body as I sat there, hands raised, praising the one who gave his life up for me. It was a sweet time I had even in the midst of the storm. It was just me, my baby & Jesus. Nothing, at that point, seemed sweeter to me.

At about 2:00am, still sitting in the bathroom, I called out to Trey, "It's happening." Not sure how long it will take, all I know is that I'm still worshipping my King and giving him ALL the glory!
It seems like the best worship times I have had with Jesus over the years have come when I have chosen to praise him in the storm.

Will you choose to praise Him in the storm?


In Him,

~Jenni~

"Closure"

I'm still waiting....I don't know what's worse at this moment-waiting and expecting or the final outcome. I'm still tossing and turning looking for some relief. I know God says to pray without ceasing but I'm wondering if He has pressed mute on me. My prayers seem to be redundant, I can only speak what my heart feels at the time. And every time it is the same thing.

Closure- do people really ever experience closure? Or do we call it peace-may the peace of God which surpasses all understanding guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. And are they the same?

My wonderful, amazing, and supportive husband called Atlanta Fetal Maternal Medicine (AFMM) yesterday requesting the ultrasound pictures of our baby. I received a call this morning from them and the woman graciously said yes. Maybe this will help me sleep at night, knowing that our baby will be resting right beside us.

I'm still reminded, in the midst of this horrible nightmare, that God has protected me and shielded me from even more pain that I could have experienced. I was scheduled to go to AFMM on Wed. , April 29. But we had a planned staff meeting that I was hesitant to skip, that's why I did not ask to be excused, so I cancelled the appointment on Tues., April 28th. Well, it just so happened that our principal was very sick and they cancelled the meeting last minute. Inside, I was frustrated, but knew I would be going on May 6th regardless of a rescheduled staff meeting, which they did have.
I say all of that to say, had I kept the April 29th appointment we would have heard our baby's heart beating. So, I see God's hand of protection and I know He was looking out for the both of us. Because shortly after that Wed., the 29th, is when the heart stopped. Again, I don't understand how the heart was beating and then all of a sudden stopped. I still can't wrap my mind around it and probably never will.

I look forward to my husband being home and us looking at our baby. This baby is my angel and will always be remembered as my first.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give to you the desires of your heart."

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds..." James 1:2-4

I have used the above verse so many times before when I have faced many challenges, but this time, this situation it just doesn't seem to make sense...

When my husband and I found out that we were expecting we were ecstatic. I remember it like it was yesterday.. I handed my husband the pregnancy test as I sat there waiting for a response-a smirk, a wink or even a frown. It seemed like minutes had passed and he said, "We're having a baby!" The look on his face was priceless, not too sure what mine was like?
We hugged and I cried and then we proceeded to call family. We couldn't believe it, just like that, so easy! We were married Feb. 7th 2009 and conceived between March 10-15.
There are couples who try for years and years, depleting their back accounts, all for a baby to call their own.....AND, yet, we were so blessed, so "lucky"!

The feeling of nausea had kicked in at about 6 weeks. Throwing up was part of it and almost every time, my husband was there rubbing my back, he was a trooper!
And, yet, I would give anything right now to be sitting on the floor, vomiting into the toilet. The whole time I kept saying, "I can't complain, I know it could be worse." At this point I wish it would have been worse.
The saying, "You don't know what you have until its gone" is resounding in my head right now. I never got to hold our baby, I made it 68 days, yet all I keep thinking is I never had it. I never got to hold Landon Stone or Haylee Grace but my love was already so strong.
There was a life inside of me that my husband and I both created, what a MIRACLE.
Yet, it was taken from us. Why, I don't know and do I feel like I deserve an answer, you betcha'. But the only answer I keep getting is, "Be Still and Know that I AM YOUR God." Really, through all the challenges I have faced, that's your response??? Child, my grace is sufficient! My strength is made perfect in your weakness.

I look at the events that took place over the last couple of days thinking about what it could have been..."WHAT IS IT," my heart cries? How did the heart just all of a sudden stop beating??
I don't know...all I keep getting is, "Be Still and Know that I AM YOUR God!"

I'm nervous about the ending.... I can't sleep as I ponder what the best decision will be for me, leaving the least amount of trauma behind. I don't know and I care not to think about it. But I have to and, yet, I don't want to.

May 7th- My husband and I headed to the doctor's...I didn't know what I was about to face.
I got their, waited, and they placed us in a room. The doctor came in, looking 7-8 months pregnant, really? Out of all the doctor's who were not pregnant I had to get one that was.
She gave us our options-waiting for my response..."Do I have to make a decision now?" We will see you next week or you can call us if you change your mind. Okay.
So they took some blood and scheduled an appointment for next Thursday.
My decision-I will let my body handle it "naturally." I don't even think natural is the proper word yet it's the only word I could conjure up. I don't know the day or time, I just have to wait. I can't believe this nightmare isn't over yet. There is nothing more frightening than having a life-less baby inside of me....I feel inadequate, that I didn't hold up my end of the deal.

At this point, I'm choosing not to be another statistic but hoping and praying that life will be birthed from our baby's death.
I am still coping and grieving and at this time don't really care to speak to anyone except for my husband and God. Please don't take it personal, I just need time.

I will close for now with this. My husband sent it to me and it hit home oh so very much.

Written by Jennifer Wasik
In memory of Zachery Wasik.

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard Him say."
A Mother has a baby"
This we know is true"
But God can you be a Mother,When your baby's not with you?"
"Yes, you can," He replied With confidence in His voice"
I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime, And others for the day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay."
"I just don't understand this God I want my baby to be here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat,
And then I saw the tear."I wish I could show you,What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child's smile,With all the other children and say...
'We go to Earth to learn our lessons, of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much, I got to come strait here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom, who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly, my Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much, but I visit her every day.
When she goes to sleep, On her pillow's where I lay I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear. Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here.'
"So you see my dear sweet ones,your children are okay. Your babies are born here in My home, And this is where they'll stay.They'll wait for you with Me,Until your lesson's through.
And on the day that you come home they'll be at the gates for you.
So now you see what makes a Mother, It's the feeling in your heart, it's the love you had so much right from the very start. Though some on earth may not realize, you are a Mother, until their time is done.They'll be up here with Me one day and know that you are the best one!"