"Why Us & Why Now?"

I obviously have not written anything in a very.long.time. And, well, I've been a bit overwhelmed & really haven't cared to post anything.

As you can tell by the title of this blog, I really don't understand. Trey and I are going through a very difficult place right now. I can't explain it, I really don't get it, and yes, I am completely frustrated at times. My husband and I have done right and lived our lives according to God's Word- we are tithers, givers (to others & the church), helpers, and we've worked hard, but yet, here we are...
There are many in this world who have jobs and money yet all they do is cry poor mouth and ask for hand me outs and yet they are better off then we are at this point. I say that to say, even when Trey and I did have jobs, we never asked for anything from anyone; in fact, we would do for others even when we knew it was a stretch for us. We didn't make a lot of money but we made enough to take care of our responsibilities.

We have a baby on the way and all I keep thinking about is this baby. It has been extremely difficult to enjoy this pregnancy because of all the, "What ifs." I hate it. And, honestly, I can't say that I have not cried out to God in anger. In fact, I even said to my husband today (when I had a mini melt down), "last year when we conceived we had jobs and we were in a good place and yet God allowed for us to never see our baby here on earth, but this year He decides to give us another baby and here we are-no jobs & slowly but surely running out of money." It doesn't make sense to me. Do I believe there will be a testimony to share in the end? Most definitely but it still doesn't take away from the pain that we've experienced as a result. The shed tears. The anger. The confusion. The weariness. The heartache.

I'll close with this...Maybe you can't relate to this blog today and you know what I hope you don't ever have to. It's not fun. Or maybe you can completely relate and can sympathize. Whatever your case I hope that you can look at your life, your job, and your finances and say, "Thank you, Lord, that you have provided."

By Grace Alone,
~Jenni~